At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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