I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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