And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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