If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
