girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
