why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
this just has baby written all over it
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
