I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
