bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
we're so committed to being not committed
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