Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
this boner is exhausting
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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