college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
