Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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