I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
