I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
