Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
