I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
