he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
