so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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