tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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