I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Randomize
