??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
