My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
