I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
