I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
