he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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