his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
