He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
