Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
