his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
