a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You dont lie about slip and slides
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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