so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
