just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
