Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
