may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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