Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just want to make out with him forever
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