So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
