do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
