His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize