I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Nobody cheats on THIS.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
