1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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