i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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