My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
