Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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