Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
