3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
