After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
