My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
