i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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