All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Come back. Shots need mouths.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
