One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
