I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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