Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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