it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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