Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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