cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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