Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
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