It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
