She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize