Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
