I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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