it hurts more in the daytime
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
