Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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