Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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