? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize