Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
