Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
