This girl is more easily done than said...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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