you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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