you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
