were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
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